life + style · m a m a hood · m i n d

m i n d | Defeated

 

I am a happy person. I love being around friends and family because they make me even happier. I like to be positive and uplift others when I can. More recently, I have also become more vulnerable, opening up to the people who care about me, and letting their support in. But I have an innate need to make situations ‘better’. And that need sometimes makes me ignore the bad, which is what I have been doing.

These last few days, I’ve been quietly dealing with something that has been eating me up inside. I did not even tell my husband. I talked to my brother a bit because it concerns us both. I have not felt this way in a long time.

Five years ago, my family and I found out
my mom had stage 4 colon cancer.

It was the most gut wrenching situation you can imagine. I watched my mom, who is strong as hell, go through numerous rounds of treatment. At times it worked, and sometimes it drove her to bed for days. We did not have enough time together but no amount of happy could stop the cancer.

It still hurts everyday.

And I may be potentially faced with that same news about my dad in a few weeks.

I am trying to be strong and happy and my intention for this post was to write about ‘how I stay positive’, but as I sit here typing, my jaw is shaking and all I have are tears streaming down my face.

I usually have the strength to bring happy, but this time

my happy has been defeated.

I would love any support you have to share.

6 thoughts on “m i n d | Defeated

  1. Hi Reg,

    I’m sad to see you going through such a tough time, but am impressed with your openness. I don’t have much to offer, but do want to say that I was so sorry to hear of your mom passing away. She was definitely tough, and was someone I enjoyed being around. I know she was so proud of you.

    I love seeing your family stories on Instagram. It gives me family “goals”. Just know that it is ok to feel sad, it’s what makes the good even better.

    Thinking of you and wishing you and your family well.

    Best,
    Julie D (crazy curled girl from Denny’s)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Julie,
      What a nice surprise to see your comment! I want to thank you for your kind words about my mom. I know she really enjoyed working with you 🙂
      My IG stories …haha a little peep into my own dysfunction makes me laugh and I’m glad you like them.
      Your comment was very encouraging and I appreciate you taking the time to write it. Hope all is well with you and hopefully we’ll run into each other again 💜

      Like

  2. Reg, I has no idea. What you just wrote takes so much strength and heart. To say I’m proud of you is an understatement. We all hide sadddness and problems. Often to “protect” others or not bring down a situation. The truth is, you opened this door and a beautiful dialogue that would help us all at some point in our lives. You are never alone. I am here for you. If you want to talk, walk, drink tea or have one of our wonderful mama nights out. You and your father will be in my heart and my thoughts. Sending you love.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Shannon,
      Thank you for your wonderful words of wisdom. I never thought of it as opening a dialogue. It just felt so cathartic to get it out. I had a good cry – something I haven’t done in a while.
      Thank you for being there for me. It means a lot to have you as my friend. 💜

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I’m wishing you the warmest of thoughts. This is a horrible time, and as all things, it will pass.
    My wife and I just found out that our second try at IVF didn’t work. The first time did and we’re so grateful to have our daughter, but it’s still hard to go through the disappointment.

    I hope that you and your family find peace and enjoy your moments together, no matter how brief.

    X

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi James,

      I’m sorry to hear the second round of IVF didn’t work for you and your wife. That is a very disappointing feeling, I can imagine. Will you be trying again? I’m sending you lots of strength and good vibes.

      Thank you for your kind words – it truly helps. 💜

      Like

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