I am a happy person. I love being around friends and family because they make me even happier. I like to be positive and uplift others when I can. More recently, I have also become more vulnerable, opening up to the people who care about me, and letting their support in. But I have an innate need to make situations ‘better’. And that need sometimes makes me ignore the bad, which is what I have been doing.
These last few days, I’ve been quietly dealing with something that has been eating me up inside. I did not even tell my husband. I talked to my brother a bit because it concerns us both. I have not felt this way in a long time.
Five years ago, my family and I found out
my mom had stage 4 colon cancer.
It was the most gut wrenching situation you can imagine. I watched my mom, who is strong as hell, go through numerous rounds of treatment. At times it worked, and sometimes it drove her to bed for days. We did not have enough time together but no amount of happy could stop the cancer.
It still hurts everyday.
And I may be potentially faced with that same news about my dad in a few weeks.
I am trying to be strong and happy and my intention for this post was to write about ‘how I stay positive’, but as I sit here typing, my jaw is shaking and all I have are tears streaming down my face.
I usually have the strength to bring happy, but this time
my happy has been defeated.
I would love any support you have to share.