My Mother’s Day and we VLOGGED it!
SECRET GARDEN MOTHER’S DAY HIGH TEA
I received an invitation to attend a Mother’s Day Tea hosted by the Secret Garden Tea Company and UBC Farm – how fun! Then as I glanced down, the invite included a plus one – my mom. Initially, my heart sank but not in the way you think. I felt bad that I couldn’t fulfill what the PR company had wanted: to enjoy amazing Mother’s Day high tea with my mom. They told me I could bring a friend so I invited Husna Thompson of Accidental Mommy to attend with me (she is also a Top 30 Vancouver Mom Blogger). Walking into the event and seeing bloggers with their moms made me a little nervous and some guilt because I couldn’t bring my mom. But Husna and I had so much fun chatting about life and motherhood that at some point, I forgot it was an event for moms and daughters. (There were one or two micro moments when I wished my mom was there with me but I tried not to let those distract me.) Husna and I were the last to leave UBC Farm and by that time, I felt no guilt. It felt really nice to connect with someone who I clicked so well with.
That night, something in my mind shifted and I knew it was the start of something new.
Huge thank you to @secretgardentea for this beautiful Mother’s Day High Tea under the sun lit trees over at @ubcfarm. Mother’s Day is a special day for me. My mom passed away almost five years ago and I never told her how much she meant to me. I felt it and the words were there but I never had the guts to speak them out loud. I gave her flowers for Mother’s Day, held her hand until her last days and even had a few crying fests together. But I never once told her exactly what she meant to me. To be honest, I don’t know if I could say them now if she was still with us today. But I’m learning to be more vulnerable with my words and it feels pretty good. It’s not always easy but I do feel a sense of empowerment when I do. In my heart, I think she knew.
Losing a parent isn’t easy any day of the week but it does get especially hard around special days, like Mother’s Day. My mom and I weren’t particularly close but it doesn’t mean not having her here hurts any less. Most times, I simply ignore and try to go on with the day the best I can. Because it still hurts. I hope to write more on this eventually but for now, this is enough for me. ❤
This year, I decided to allow myself to feel.
I am grateful the blog allows me to attend such great events and I am especially grateful for this one because it triggered an internal shift with something I have struggled with for the past five years. This year, I decided to allow myself to feel, to let myself acknowledge the hurt but also live in the present and enjoy extra special time with my own girls. For the first time in a long time, I felt… balance. I can’t quite elaborate on that feeling at the moment, but I’ll share it will comes to me.
I realize that not everyone celebrates Mother’s Day the ‘Hallmark’ way and that is completely okay.
It could be just another day for some or an all-out feast for others. While some may have experienced loss, some may be battling motherhood blues. You are allowed to feel like crap and feel good as well. Whatever it may be, you do you. (My BFF, Zu, shared that phrase with me years ago and I never forgot it.)
What does Mother’s Day mean to you?